Since i made my diary public,i have received quite a lot of response-some especially from my married friends are bad and you could feel their anger,they called me unprintable names but i do understand them and i guess i could do same if iam in their positions.While most men and i think single ladies too see it differently which i can understand as well and i really appreciate all your comments.I must not forget to thank guys who write me beautiful poems and letters to express their feeling and how they could give me better deal than iam getting without knowing me and of course,women who volunteer to link me up with their brothers and uncles -I thank you all and appreciate all your support.

I was able to do some soul searching as advised over the weekend to see where i have gone wrong and how i ended up being an old lady.I could remember my parent warning after my school certificate that education is the key and with the right education and job-man will crawl at your feet(old school story) and dont let any man derail your future and i took it too far.As soon as i got to the university,i became a triangular student and the only outside dealing was church and you can trust that they will feed you all the righteous things a christian should do and i wasnt into men till i got to Graduate school and it was disasterous as i had all the old school rules and could not fit in.Before i knew it,every man i come in contact with see me as difficult as i didnt have that feminine touch.I tried to change but you know old habit die hard and age is not on my side and guys are intimidated by my profile and the few that show interest are out to gain something and i got scared as some see me as their meal ticket which i refused to be as i work hard to get to where iam.I would not blame my parent as they want the best for me but i think parent need to teach their kids more than that because realities of today goes more than having education.

I get so busy these days that by the time i get home,i just want to bath and sleep.There are too many things to attend to in the office and couple with the pressure of the coming festive period as we have to roll out a lot of packages and advert for the promotions and i have to look at the legal aspect.I hardly leave office before 9m and my friend have been quite supportive as he picks me up late in the night and in the morning the driver bring the car to my house. I surely know that my friend is doing all that to protect his territory,men are just the same-ever possessive.

My oga called me yesterday to informed me he is back and will be coming to my house later in the day and i told him i worked late and we should probably see over weekend and that got him upset,he just asked me point blank if iam tired of him and i should be bold enough to say it out instead of giving him cold treatment.God knows i tried to avoid this confrontation and i intend to be civil about it all and do not intend to deliberately hurt him because he is always there to encourage,support and make me belief in myself in those lonely period.I just told him that i will call him when he is in a better mood as iam under stress as well.Surpringly,he sent his driver not more than 15 mins we spoke to bring me to Ikoyi Club and luckily for me,my friend was waiting down stairs and they did not know eachother,so i quickly asked him to go and will join him later as i needed to see my pastor somewhere around before coming.After we left my office,i tried to look for a way to see him but it was as if my guy knows i was up to something-he just drove straight to his house and i ended up sleeping there and had to switched off my phone.

I woke up the following day i.e sunday to find myself cuddled up in bed with him and i was somehow shy as i had no plan of starting something then-its probably the effect of the drink we had or i tempted myself by allowing that closeness and wondered what happened after the bridge have been crossed.He was just excited and darling me and whispering sweet words into my ear.I wanted us to leave for Lagos on time so that i can have time to organise myself for the week but he wanted us to use that opportunity to unwind before getting back to the hustle of Lagos.We had a stop at Shagamu to see a friend of his who just relocated back to the country and was surprise when we got there that the guy already know my name and was even talking to me as if we ve met somewhere before-so guys too discussed those things with their friends.W e really had fun there as the guy's wife treated us to all kind of local delicacies watered down with original palmwine,life in the countryside can be relaxing and cool.

We eventually left them in the evening and he was like we should go to my house and picked my things and go to his house and from there he can drop me in the office the next day but i disagree as i no want him to get everything at a go-small small.Since then its being loving loving though iam not complaining but at the expense of my oga as i never have time for him since he got back from his trip and i even avoid his calls.God should give me the wisdom to handle this thing maturely and in a very polite way as i hate to hurt somebody but now its inevitable but what if------

I really enjoyed my weekend.We left Lagos early for Warri to avoid hold up on Lagos-Ibadan Expressway but suprisingly the journey was smooth except the Eastern axis that was horrible. We got there around mid-day and just drove straight to the the hotel already booked for him before joining the celebrant and i seized the opporunity to touch up . The after church reception was grand as the guy is one of their leading political figure and has cash to throw around,there are more than enough food and drinks to go round and imaging giving out a set of dinner set as souvenirs -this politicians are something else.I met quite a lot of his friends and their wives but i could see that some of the wives were looking at me somehow and others were polite.The guys were okay and trust them,they tried to make me feel welcome though i was just introduced as his friend but i can notice their mischievious look and some that came without their wife were trying to tresspass.When he noticed that a particular guy was getting too friendly with me,he just asked us to leave and i noticed he was kind of jealous.

On our way to the hotel,he asked me why i was just bent on putting a distance between us,that he mean well and can not hurt me in anyway.I guess he said this because i told him i needed a room to myself and he was like what will he do with the suite and he can stay in the outer room and if i think he want to eat me but at the end of the day,we stayed together after all my stress.We later drove round warri as he knows his way and ended up in a nice joint ,we stayed there till mid-night and by the time we got to the hotel,i was tired and could not make any argument on sleeping arrangement again and to be sincerely,i needed his company as well.As soon as we got in,we just looked at eachother and you can imagine what happened.

The way i run my private life this days scare me and it makes me remember fela music"when trouble sleep and you dey wake am palaver you dey find".I already agreed with my friend to go to Warri with him for his friend birthday bash this weekend and yesterday,my oga called me to say he will be going to Ghana on Saturday to come back Monday night and will appreciate it if we can go together and use that opportunity to have private moment together after a long while and i just got confused.It will be nice to chill out in Ghana as the atmosphere there is relaxing and fresh unless the hustling in Lagos but how will i just called my friend that i wouldnt be able to make it again.I had to lie that i have a retreat to attend for the weekend,I dont fancy this kurukere and double dealing that iam getting myself into,iam ordinarily a one man at a time person and now finding myself in this situation.I think i need to make up my mind fast and do away with one of them but how do i decide on who to drop as their situation look different but it may end up to the same old story.

I was bored at home yesterday night and decided to read funmi iyanda blog and saw this and what else can i say than http://fiyanda.blogspot.com/2006/11/between-who-is-and-who-could-have-been.html we Africans need to change our orientation and the way we see matured ladies.We need to be supported and encourage in our various endeavours, not to make us feel worthless without a man.I give kudos to her for standing up when it matters,we all want a man but not at all cost.I know a friend who because of pressure got married to somebody not compatible with her but to just bear his name and today she is trapped in a loveless marriage and this is somebody who we all look up to in our university days as somebody who is going to make us all proud in the future.All her dreams and aspirations are buried as her man belief that the only honour a woman need is to have a man as her crown and she should forget about being a superstar as he alone want to be heard and one superstar is more than enough in his family and that person should surely be him,not minding that our friend is more brilliant and articulate than him.

I invited my friend to Badagry beach on saturday for two reasons;to clear my head off the stress of the week and get him off his sorrow mood since the ADC crash.His pal that died on that plane was a friend of over twenty years and they are more of brothers than friends and refused to accept the reality.I just thought the little i could do is to be there for him at this period and get him back to form as the did has been done and as such,he need to move on and see what he can do for his family.Ipicked him up from his house and had a stop at shoprite to get things needed for our trip.The man na typical Naijaman,he didnt allow me to picked the bill and me too just accepted like a typical lady(you know no matter how rich a woman is,we still like it when our man pick our bills).
I drove all the way and it was hectic as the road was bad,it took us almost four hours to get there.Iam appealling to our Government to do something on our road maintenance,i dont care who does it-whether its state or Federal but somebody should just fixed them. He was a good company despite his low mood,he kept me on with gists and that reduced the stress of driving for that long period. We rented a canopy and mattress and i just spread my body on it and we were just gisting generally.I noticed that i did most of the talking and he was just looking at me somehow and i was like i hope i was not passing wrong message to him.He moved nearer me and planted a kiss(friendly one) and looked deep into my eye and i could see passion in those eyes and quietly asked me if i have accepted to be his babe as he is madly in love with me and need to know where he stand.I did not want to lead him on and later say another thing,so i just told him i consider him special and appreciate his friendship but iam still trying to sort out some things in my life and should bear with me but i like him and find him intellectually stimulating.I dont want to rush into anything as the man is still married but just seperated and you never know,anything can happen-what if they get back and what happens to me,end up as a mistress to another man? a devil you know is better than unknown saint.We left the place late in the evening and he was suggesting we should stay in an hotel in badagry but me no want tempt devil and just said we should go home.

Thank God for mothers though they could be pain in the ass but they mean well and will always be there for you through thick and thin.My mummy called me yesterday to asked after my well being and to tell me one of my aunty's daughter is getting married next month and she want me to make out time for that as her side of the family have concluded that i dont feel as if i belong to them and i told her i will see what i can do to make it a day.Yorubas and our funning culture,must i be involved in all family functions and of what use will that be to me,afterall its another cost centre which brings no benefit than just to be buying Aso-ebi which drains pocket and showing off is not my way of life.We gisted for a while and she ended it by telling me that her friend- my friend's mother is happy about the development between her son and myself and she wish we can solidify the family friendship.I told her the guy is my friend and will remain as one and whatever we have between us is strictly our business and they should stop pushing us.She just said i dont know how she feel when she remember my situation as if iam sick and it always pains her to see me living like an island and if i think she will never support my illicit affair with another woman husband and if i think i can have my way,i should know that her God will never bless it and she dropped in annoyance.

I couldnt sleep for sometime after our conversation and i began to wonder why all this hassle,yes its good to be married at my age but its not a do or die affair and i think i should know what i want and shouldnt be force to make do with what i get.When my friend called me later in the night,i couldnt hide my feeelings but to tell him what transpire between my mother and i and he was like mothers especially are like that and he get that from his mother too despite the fact the he has not formally divorce his wife.We laughed over it and i felf a lot better and slept off.

My spirit have been so down since last sunday plane crash,you need not know anybody in that plane before you feel the pain and for christ sake it could have been anybody.My friend have been downcast since,he later got to know of three other friends in the ill-fated plane.I tried to talk to him and make him realise he has to be strong so that he can give all the necessary support to his best pal family.The world is just an empty place,we aspire to be this and that,we struggle to get more and more money but at the end of the day,its all vanity.Nobody knows tomorrow,we should create time for ourself and families because we never can predict what happen next.

My oga too lost some friends in that plane and they were supposed to travelled together,he missed the flight narrowly.He just kept saying i would have been in that plane if not that his wife got a call from her mother very early that morning that the father had an attack and has to be rushed him to hospital .He had to postponed his travelling because it would have been insensitive if he didnt go with her and he later got the news.