London is damn so cold,i cant wait to get back to my base.No matter how bad we painted our country-Nigeria,its still the best despite all the shortcomings and no place like home.I had the intention of staying in my sister's place in SW and my friend to stay with his friend somewhere around as it will be economical and at the same time, gist with my family and him with his friends but we change our mind on sunday and decided to stay in the hotel since we are adult and no point pretending .

Since that sunday,we have been comforting each other from the effect of the cold.

I will be off tonight to London for the Xmas and New year celebration as my boss eventually granted me two week off and the gist of it all is ,iam going with my friend-thats a long story which i will document when i get back.I wish you all merry xmas and prosperous new year and hopeful and wishfully,my dreams come true next year-not to continue to be extra bag-cheerio

Just like yesterday, another XMAS & NEW YEAR is here. We have every reason to thank God for HIS Mercies. Its really been a chequered year i guess,but still thank HIM,because you are alive!

Yes,i know you expected God to have done XYZ, but are you sure he has not done it?

For a Woman who took in June 2006,the physical evidence SHALL ONLY be in 2007,except it be premature,but God really and truly prepares and matures us for HIS Blessing. She SHALL undoubtedly carry it over to 2007.

Does that mean God hasn't answered her?

Even in Business Financials,we do have balance BROUGHT FORWARD or CARRIED OVER!!!

THINK OF IT,AS YOU DEVOUR THE CHICKEN!!!

Best Regards
Sisi

I never knew that incidence could affect me so much,this was a guy i knew from youth and the parent are like mine and i was beginning to like him and was even ready to dump my good old dear despite all he has done in my life.Its never be the same with me since that day,i tried to rationalise the whole thing but didnt jell.He was in my house very early on saturday,when my bell rang,i thought its was my vendor but alas na him my face see and despite all my bragado,something melted in my heart and i saw that stress on his face and for a second,i pitied him.

I was confused whether to allowed him in or not as i wasnt sure of myself again as that feeling just surface -i now know why we ladies stucked on to a dead affair-that feeling could be hard to kill like that.I eventually allowed him in and immediately he entered he just fell flat on the floor and was almost weeping for me to give him chance to explain himself and it wasnt what i thought,i couldnt just allowed that-he is a man for christ sake and no matter what-he is still a man and should be respected.I begged him to stand up and that i will give him the audience but hope he is not there to cajole me into something which iam not ready to do.

He now narrated how the wife just surface fron nowhere to say she is in the country to sort out some personal issue and since they are not divorcee yet,she still have a stake in their joint acquistion and that she will be there for a month and i wonder within me what kind of arrangement is that-is either she doesnt want to go through the divorcee again or he is lying to me but i didnt argue or asked any question .When he finished his story,i told him i hold him no grudge and i still see him as my friend and brother which he refused to accept as he said he never want to be that but the man in my life.

Since there is no point in arguing,i just offered him a coffee but God help me,my feeelings for him is still strong and wish he could just stay away from me as i think i ve fallen in love with him-shoooooooooo

My eye see no be small yesterday,i promise my friend to see him sometime during the week when we met at my parent church as we did not go together as he wanted.I decided to surprise him yesterday as i close early and since he is a home person, he hardly goes out after 8pm except his friends are around and need to give them fun .I just drove straight to his house without calling him,when i got there i noticed that the mallam was fidgeting and looking at me somehow without saying anything,i asked for his oga and he just said he dey.

I pressed the bell and behold the wife opened the door and i was shocked but quickly compose myself.She just said can i help you which i said i want to see so so so person and she asked me to come in.I was confused and just sat there in their living room like a dummy,it took a while before he came out and was somehow embarrassed too but he played it well.As soon as he saw me,he just said what a surprise to see you and what are you doing in my area and i understood perfectly the impression he was trying to give the wife.Though i should have called him ahead( in this era of GSM ) but he should have told me his wife is back as i thought we are close enough though i have not been responding to his call in recent time but we saw on sunday and he could have hinted me.I told him i came to see a friend of mine near by and since its been a while we saw and his mummy is always telling me he asked after me,i just decided to drop by and say hello.He just use that opportunity to introduced his wife and that iam his childhood friend and we ve lost contact for long and met sometime ago at the family church and we exchage addresses.

I could not wait for long before i took my leave and i cant still understand why he did not tell me his wife is back.I felt so terrible last night not because he is with his wife but for believing him and allowing myself to get involved.I cried for being a fool though he called me severally but i refused to listen to any tales by moonlight.

December is always a busy month in my office and social commitment too is so much as friends and families can not understand why you can not make their function and it has become a big task to update my diary.My schedule in the office is hectic and weekend is not spared as well, as we always have one function or the other. It a sort of blessing somehow as i have reason not to see my friends or what do i call them now though i miss them in a way but i need to make a decision no matter how hard it could be.I want to start the new year with a definate plan and be focussed as i dont need all that stress at my age and level.Both have been calling me as if they are competing and iam not finding the whole thing funny again,iam not cut out for all that.The amount of energy involved in two timing is something else and i hate scandal of any sort-you can imagine what will happen if by chance they met in my house again,the tension will be too much for me to bear.

I have a function to attend in my parent church tomorrow as one of our family friend's daughter is getting married and my friend want us to go there together but i dont want to give wrong impression to the church member and i want to go as they have been wonderful to my family but how do i go about it as my friend will definately be there as he is related to them and what do i tell him?

After reading all the reactions I got from my readers, I pondered over them and could not but agreed with their submission. I know iam unique in the sight of God and there is a man for every woman and all I need to do is wait for my own and he will surely come at the appointed time but why are we having so many unmarried ladies despite having good upbringing, cultured and all that and dont forget the ratio of women to men based on population figure? Don’t give me that excuse of how did they spend their youth as I know quite a lot of ladies in my undergraduate days who are reckless and more or less glorified prostitutes and now they are laughing at us-the bookwormers and born again but today they are in their husband house,they are even the ones who gloat over our situation now.

I do not want to shortchange myself but he who wears the shoes knows where it pinches. I would love to date a young eligible bachelor but where I can not get one and the ones i met are out to swindle me and now get somebody who belief in me and care for me-should I say No because I don’t want the world to see me as husband snatcher and don’t forget we are in Africa where polygamy is part of the culture whether we like it or not,right it look bad to the wife but what about my feelings and dont forget some women make it their choice to be second wife, what do we say to that. I am not justifying my action but we must accept the fact that we all can be in the same boat.

Another reaction;

Lady, I suggest you get a life and leave other women’s men alone. If you don’t see any man that will love you for the unique person that you’re, love other people by contributing to your community one way or another with your time to make other people happy (stop being selfish for a while and think about other people’s happiness and feelings), because the more you give, the more you’ll receive in return, (rubbish in, rubbish out, period) who knows, by so doing, you’ll be found by, or you’ll find the single, unmarried “love of your life”, why do you want to steal from another woman’s pot of affection, and eat smelly and foul crumbs from other women’s table like a rejected stray dog?

Here are a lists of things I propose you do with your precious time instead of goofing around with Mr. No-Good-Losers who are out to use you and dump you for the next hot pant:

1. Since you live in Nigeria, find the closest orphanage and visit them on weekends and ask them for ways you can help around with the children there. Play with the children and help feed, cloth and read stories to them. Take some of them out with your car (I’m sure they will love that very much) and visit the library with them and read with them.

2. Visit your local church (one of integrity, not all this cockroach churches all over the place in that country) and find out from the pastors what you can do to help them around the church.

3. If you’re not the churchy kind, act as a mentor to the boys and girls in your neighborhood, you can mentor them to be better leaders of tomorrow. Take the girls out shopping, help with their homework or even give them some minor homework of your own, arrange sleepover parties, talk with them about issues and current affairs. The boys too can be mentored by you, take them out to lunch sometimes, help with their school work, etc all these with the permission of their parents of course, and please try to keep your eyes of their fathers (I know some fathers can be hunks, but be a good girl).

4. These are a few suggestions to start with, you can come up with more if you really think about it and consider…

I got this from a reader and it really touch my heart and I want to share it with you all:

Please, surround yourself with positive people. Stand for what you know is right. Walk with your head held high because you are beautifully made. You have a career. You can do this. Call these loser men and tell them it's over. If you don't trust yourself to do it in person, do it over the phone or get a friend to go with you. That's what friends are for. You don't want a friend that does not let you know when you fall. A friend that sees no wrong in what you do is not a friend. But you don't want a friend who derives pleasure in putting you down either. Worst case scenario; tell these men you'll tell their wives if they mess with you. Stand by it. Change your numbers if you have to. Relocate if you have to. Go to the gym when you feel bored. Hang out with good friends and/or families. Read books. Travel. Help out in orphanage. Write a book. Cook. Before you know it, you'll be stronger and more focused. Note that I did not suggest “Go to Church”. Pastors are often very manipulative people. It’s no telling who is of God.

I believe that the best way to avoid falling into the wrong hands is by first being in touch with oneself. Know who you are inside and outside as you would your best novel. Develop your self-esteem. You can read your bible while you are doing this. Pray fervently within the walls of your home and ask God to lead you to the right church and people. Once you’ve strengthened the mind and body, go to Church. Church is about fellowshipping with others, but must people turn it into a religious battle ground were the richest, greediest, most manipulative... survive. Go to church to fellowship but refuse to be told by a man what God’s plan is for your life. You can pray together with others and for others, but it is you that know where the shoe hurts and how best to ask for the ointment you need from God. He is your God and can speak to you once you’ve cleansed you body and soul. He did not need a middle man to create you so why should he need one to orchestrate your steps? Don’t fall prey to a power-hungry man playing God as we see around very often. The right man can then see the person you really are. These men have their lives (warped as it is). Refuse to let them hinder you from getting a darn good life.

I am sure there are people who love and care about you, but you need to let them see why they love you; the good person you are. Believe me, it takes a good person to write what you write especially your last entry. Bad people don’t reflect on what they do. I wish you the very best as you begin this journey. Remember, the wrong choices you’ve made do not define you. But the mistakes you refuse to correct are going to put a dent in your future. That’s just how life is. It is well, my sister. I look forward to reading your testimony. Lest I forget, please, do not buy into the “I don’t need a man for anything” idea that is beginning to suck into our culture as well. Yes, I am an advocate of being happily single. But I also know the good things that come with being with that right one. It’s not going to be perfect, no. You sef are not perfect so why should you expect a perfect man. But a good man should not have to cost more than he has to offer; financially, emotionally, psychologically, esteem-wise… While I believe no one should put their lives on hold while searching for the right man (live your single life and be happy in your state with all you’ve achieved), but also be realistic enough to recognize whether or not you want a man. If you decide you do want one, rather than settle for stolen moments, weigh your choices and select the best who is not going to require you sacrificing yourself. You going to have to let go of some independence and compromise a little, but you should never have to compromise your dignity and self. ***************

Since i made my diary public,i have received quite a lot of response-some especially from my married friends are bad and you could feel their anger,they called me unprintable names but i do understand them and i guess i could do same if iam in their positions.While most men and i think single ladies too see it differently which i can understand as well and i really appreciate all your comments.I must not forget to thank guys who write me beautiful poems and letters to express their feeling and how they could give me better deal than iam getting without knowing me and of course,women who volunteer to link me up with their brothers and uncles -I thank you all and appreciate all your support.

I was able to do some soul searching as advised over the weekend to see where i have gone wrong and how i ended up being an old lady.I could remember my parent warning after my school certificate that education is the key and with the right education and job-man will crawl at your feet(old school story) and dont let any man derail your future and i took it too far.As soon as i got to the university,i became a triangular student and the only outside dealing was church and you can trust that they will feed you all the righteous things a christian should do and i wasnt into men till i got to Graduate school and it was disasterous as i had all the old school rules and could not fit in.Before i knew it,every man i come in contact with see me as difficult as i didnt have that feminine touch.I tried to change but you know old habit die hard and age is not on my side and guys are intimidated by my profile and the few that show interest are out to gain something and i got scared as some see me as their meal ticket which i refused to be as i work hard to get to where iam.I would not blame my parent as they want the best for me but i think parent need to teach their kids more than that because realities of today goes more than having education.

I get so busy these days that by the time i get home,i just want to bath and sleep.There are too many things to attend to in the office and couple with the pressure of the coming festive period as we have to roll out a lot of packages and advert for the promotions and i have to look at the legal aspect.I hardly leave office before 9m and my friend have been quite supportive as he picks me up late in the night and in the morning the driver bring the car to my house. I surely know that my friend is doing all that to protect his territory,men are just the same-ever possessive.

My oga called me yesterday to informed me he is back and will be coming to my house later in the day and i told him i worked late and we should probably see over weekend and that got him upset,he just asked me point blank if iam tired of him and i should be bold enough to say it out instead of giving him cold treatment.God knows i tried to avoid this confrontation and i intend to be civil about it all and do not intend to deliberately hurt him because he is always there to encourage,support and make me belief in myself in those lonely period.I just told him that i will call him when he is in a better mood as iam under stress as well.Surpringly,he sent his driver not more than 15 mins we spoke to bring me to Ikoyi Club and luckily for me,my friend was waiting down stairs and they did not know eachother,so i quickly asked him to go and will join him later as i needed to see my pastor somewhere around before coming.After we left my office,i tried to look for a way to see him but it was as if my guy knows i was up to something-he just drove straight to his house and i ended up sleeping there and had to switched off my phone.

I woke up the following day i.e sunday to find myself cuddled up in bed with him and i was somehow shy as i had no plan of starting something then-its probably the effect of the drink we had or i tempted myself by allowing that closeness and wondered what happened after the bridge have been crossed.He was just excited and darling me and whispering sweet words into my ear.I wanted us to leave for Lagos on time so that i can have time to organise myself for the week but he wanted us to use that opportunity to unwind before getting back to the hustle of Lagos.We had a stop at Shagamu to see a friend of his who just relocated back to the country and was surprise when we got there that the guy already know my name and was even talking to me as if we ve met somewhere before-so guys too discussed those things with their friends.W e really had fun there as the guy's wife treated us to all kind of local delicacies watered down with original palmwine,life in the countryside can be relaxing and cool.

We eventually left them in the evening and he was like we should go to my house and picked my things and go to his house and from there he can drop me in the office the next day but i disagree as i no want him to get everything at a go-small small.Since then its being loving loving though iam not complaining but at the expense of my oga as i never have time for him since he got back from his trip and i even avoid his calls.God should give me the wisdom to handle this thing maturely and in a very polite way as i hate to hurt somebody but now its inevitable but what if------

I really enjoyed my weekend.We left Lagos early for Warri to avoid hold up on Lagos-Ibadan Expressway but suprisingly the journey was smooth except the Eastern axis that was horrible. We got there around mid-day and just drove straight to the the hotel already booked for him before joining the celebrant and i seized the opporunity to touch up . The after church reception was grand as the guy is one of their leading political figure and has cash to throw around,there are more than enough food and drinks to go round and imaging giving out a set of dinner set as souvenirs -this politicians are something else.I met quite a lot of his friends and their wives but i could see that some of the wives were looking at me somehow and others were polite.The guys were okay and trust them,they tried to make me feel welcome though i was just introduced as his friend but i can notice their mischievious look and some that came without their wife were trying to tresspass.When he noticed that a particular guy was getting too friendly with me,he just asked us to leave and i noticed he was kind of jealous.

On our way to the hotel,he asked me why i was just bent on putting a distance between us,that he mean well and can not hurt me in anyway.I guess he said this because i told him i needed a room to myself and he was like what will he do with the suite and he can stay in the outer room and if i think he want to eat me but at the end of the day,we stayed together after all my stress.We later drove round warri as he knows his way and ended up in a nice joint ,we stayed there till mid-night and by the time we got to the hotel,i was tired and could not make any argument on sleeping arrangement again and to be sincerely,i needed his company as well.As soon as we got in,we just looked at eachother and you can imagine what happened.

The way i run my private life this days scare me and it makes me remember fela music"when trouble sleep and you dey wake am palaver you dey find".I already agreed with my friend to go to Warri with him for his friend birthday bash this weekend and yesterday,my oga called me to say he will be going to Ghana on Saturday to come back Monday night and will appreciate it if we can go together and use that opportunity to have private moment together after a long while and i just got confused.It will be nice to chill out in Ghana as the atmosphere there is relaxing and fresh unless the hustling in Lagos but how will i just called my friend that i wouldnt be able to make it again.I had to lie that i have a retreat to attend for the weekend,I dont fancy this kurukere and double dealing that iam getting myself into,iam ordinarily a one man at a time person and now finding myself in this situation.I think i need to make up my mind fast and do away with one of them but how do i decide on who to drop as their situation look different but it may end up to the same old story.

I was bored at home yesterday night and decided to read funmi iyanda blog and saw this and what else can i say than http://fiyanda.blogspot.com/2006/11/between-who-is-and-who-could-have-been.html we Africans need to change our orientation and the way we see matured ladies.We need to be supported and encourage in our various endeavours, not to make us feel worthless without a man.I give kudos to her for standing up when it matters,we all want a man but not at all cost.I know a friend who because of pressure got married to somebody not compatible with her but to just bear his name and today she is trapped in a loveless marriage and this is somebody who we all look up to in our university days as somebody who is going to make us all proud in the future.All her dreams and aspirations are buried as her man belief that the only honour a woman need is to have a man as her crown and she should forget about being a superstar as he alone want to be heard and one superstar is more than enough in his family and that person should surely be him,not minding that our friend is more brilliant and articulate than him.

I invited my friend to Badagry beach on saturday for two reasons;to clear my head off the stress of the week and get him off his sorrow mood since the ADC crash.His pal that died on that plane was a friend of over twenty years and they are more of brothers than friends and refused to accept the reality.I just thought the little i could do is to be there for him at this period and get him back to form as the did has been done and as such,he need to move on and see what he can do for his family.Ipicked him up from his house and had a stop at shoprite to get things needed for our trip.The man na typical Naijaman,he didnt allow me to picked the bill and me too just accepted like a typical lady(you know no matter how rich a woman is,we still like it when our man pick our bills).
I drove all the way and it was hectic as the road was bad,it took us almost four hours to get there.Iam appealling to our Government to do something on our road maintenance,i dont care who does it-whether its state or Federal but somebody should just fixed them. He was a good company despite his low mood,he kept me on with gists and that reduced the stress of driving for that long period. We rented a canopy and mattress and i just spread my body on it and we were just gisting generally.I noticed that i did most of the talking and he was just looking at me somehow and i was like i hope i was not passing wrong message to him.He moved nearer me and planted a kiss(friendly one) and looked deep into my eye and i could see passion in those eyes and quietly asked me if i have accepted to be his babe as he is madly in love with me and need to know where he stand.I did not want to lead him on and later say another thing,so i just told him i consider him special and appreciate his friendship but iam still trying to sort out some things in my life and should bear with me but i like him and find him intellectually stimulating.I dont want to rush into anything as the man is still married but just seperated and you never know,anything can happen-what if they get back and what happens to me,end up as a mistress to another man? a devil you know is better than unknown saint.We left the place late in the evening and he was suggesting we should stay in an hotel in badagry but me no want tempt devil and just said we should go home.

Thank God for mothers though they could be pain in the ass but they mean well and will always be there for you through thick and thin.My mummy called me yesterday to asked after my well being and to tell me one of my aunty's daughter is getting married next month and she want me to make out time for that as her side of the family have concluded that i dont feel as if i belong to them and i told her i will see what i can do to make it a day.Yorubas and our funning culture,must i be involved in all family functions and of what use will that be to me,afterall its another cost centre which brings no benefit than just to be buying Aso-ebi which drains pocket and showing off is not my way of life.We gisted for a while and she ended it by telling me that her friend- my friend's mother is happy about the development between her son and myself and she wish we can solidify the family friendship.I told her the guy is my friend and will remain as one and whatever we have between us is strictly our business and they should stop pushing us.She just said i dont know how she feel when she remember my situation as if iam sick and it always pains her to see me living like an island and if i think she will never support my illicit affair with another woman husband and if i think i can have my way,i should know that her God will never bless it and she dropped in annoyance.

I couldnt sleep for sometime after our conversation and i began to wonder why all this hassle,yes its good to be married at my age but its not a do or die affair and i think i should know what i want and shouldnt be force to make do with what i get.When my friend called me later in the night,i couldnt hide my feeelings but to tell him what transpire between my mother and i and he was like mothers especially are like that and he get that from his mother too despite the fact the he has not formally divorce his wife.We laughed over it and i felf a lot better and slept off.

My spirit have been so down since last sunday plane crash,you need not know anybody in that plane before you feel the pain and for christ sake it could have been anybody.My friend have been downcast since,he later got to know of three other friends in the ill-fated plane.I tried to talk to him and make him realise he has to be strong so that he can give all the necessary support to his best pal family.The world is just an empty place,we aspire to be this and that,we struggle to get more and more money but at the end of the day,its all vanity.Nobody knows tomorrow,we should create time for ourself and families because we never can predict what happen next.

My oga too lost some friends in that plane and they were supposed to travelled together,he missed the flight narrowly.He just kept saying i would have been in that plane if not that his wife got a call from her mother very early that morning that the father had an attack and has to be rushed him to hospital .He had to postponed his travelling because it would have been insensitive if he didnt go with her and he later got the news.

My weekend started on a good note but spoilt by the ADC plane crash,its tragic and sad and my friend's childhood friend was among the victim.We were at the church when he received a text message from another friend of the crash and he shouted and all the church member were alarmed till they got to know why he did that.

I want to use this forum to console the families of the victims that God in his infinity will heal their heart.May we never witness such again in this country,father lord should please forgive everyone of us our sins.

My man is been harassing me with calls since we met accidentally in Port harcourt and i refuse to picked his calls because i dont want to hear cock and bull stories.I got home yesterday to see a lovey dovey card and a basket containing all range of toiletries and perfume in my living room-shooo i don be beautiful bride being courted.I was touched by the gesture and called his line,he quickly picked it at the first rang and was just darlin darlin me but i just said thanks for the gift.He wanted to know if i still feel for him and what we need to do to get the groove back and he could create that time for us to go somewhere together for a week which i just said i will think about it and call him for weekend.
This life is somehow,two years ago-i was that lonely old cargo praying that any man should come into my life and make me complete because in Africa,you can have all the riches and position but if you are not Mrs somebody,your friends and enemies will laugh at you behind you and make you feel inferior.My mother always tell me that mine will come and i should not rush myself to stupid arrangement and now i begin to see her point.But what do i do now?hang on to another woman's husband or stay with a seperated partner but what if they get back together,afterall they are not divorce.

Thank God for sallah break,I had time to unwind and relax.I used the opportunity to travel to Portharcourt to see my best friend who just gave birth to twins after 15 years of marriage.Iam so happy for her and the husband,you can imagine the agonising period they shared together.I got there Saturday morning and intend staying in hotel but my friend couldnt hear that,she wondered why i have to do that since they have a whole house with boys quarter to themselves and cant imagine the kind of privacy i needed that their house cant provide.I acted the role of godmother perfectly and even asked her to have 2 nights with her hussy undisturbed,i assisted her nanny with the night duties.Her husband insisted on showing me the hospitality of the city and we were out saturday night to an exclusive club for the yupies and you can imagine my discovery.As soon as we got there,my friend hussy was all over the place and i saw another side of him,i always see him as the quite and faithful husband but he painted the place red with all those curvy belles.I just sat in a corner discussing with one of his friend he introduced to me but he was definately trying to matchmake us.

I was just enjoying myself there when i noticed a familiar figure and behold,its my oga with a handbag and somehow i was jealous but pretended as if i did not see him.I was monitoring him from afar,he looked so handsome and had the mind of going to his table but didnt want to embarrassed myself.I later followed my company to the dance floor and i was deliberately flirting with him so that if he sees me ,he will feel what i was feeling.This thing called emotions can betray you at anytime,this is me saying i want to move on but my heart is still with him.He eventually saw me and came over to our table and i greeted him like a lost friend and nothing more and asked him to enjoy his stay.

I wonder how girls who do runs cope with all the troubles,I landed myself in a tight corner again yesterday.My friend called me as i was about to round up for the day,that he was somewhere close to my office and was thinking if he could picked me up for a drink somewhere and i should probably leave my car in the office since he can drop me at home and even pick me up in the morning for office.Since iam already enjoying his company and i guess creating time together can make me know him well-i just said its okay without thinking of the consequence of my action as my oga says he will be in my place later. He took less than 10 minutes to get to me and had to leave the car and ask my driver to meet me in the office tomorrow instead of coming home.My heart was beating very fast as i did not know how to manage my situation-wanting to give another person a chance and at the same time not making my dear feel used and dumped.I had to put my phone on silence when we got to the place in order to feel relax and enjoy myself.The place turned out to be a joint for the big guys and is exclusive,i saw one of our director there with a babe but he didnt see me.We just gisted generally,bought suya and drinks.On our way back to my place,he asked me what i think of him and does he have a chance with me.I just said he is fun to be with and i always enjoy his company but need time to get to know him all over again and he wonder why i need that time as we grew up together and have a lot in common and if we put our mind in the relationship,something concrete could develop.

We got to my house around 11pm and was smart enough to get to my door first and picked the note my man dropped.He followed me in and immediately he entered,he just move closer to me and gave me a deep kiss and God,that guy smell good and couldnt resist responding.Iam really in a fix,how can i start two timing at my age and exposure-i hate scandal of any sort.

After my visit to Oye's place last sunday and his explanation on his seperation with his wife,i began to see him in a different way.I never want to be in the same position as iam with my dear,so i certainly want to know and understand the situation and weight my coin.I did not bother to ask him about the boy in the picture as it will look somehow,i want him to come out with the whole story-i dont want to be too inquisitive.He is a nice guy and tight upstairs-there is nothing like a guy you can connect with intellectually but i still need to be careful and do my own finding before i can make up my mind on moving the relationship to another level.

My dear called me in the office today to ask after my general well being and to know how i spend my weekend and whether i even miss him at all which i answered positively. I knew he wanted to know whether i was at home or not and start his sermon on my new found friend but i didnt give him that pleasure.He said he will be in my place later if i dont have other engagement for the evening and i just pretend as if i didnt hear the snide comment and i said its okay and that my house is his and will be welcome any day!.I think i need to get my ass together though its flattering to know you can still get attention despite being on the shelve for long but at my level,i need to put things right but how do i go about it .

Weekend was good,i had a nice time.My friend was in my house friday evening and we ended up going to jazz club and i really enjoyed myself, he was all over me like mother hen and he ensure everybody knows he was with me and cant just grab me but was tired on saturday and had to stay indoor as its be a long while i loosen up like that.I think somehow iam rediscovering some things buried in me,i guess due to pressure of job and being a good girl to my main man-i have lot touch with happenings.My friend's call woke me up around 4pm on saturday and couldnt belief i slept for so long,i think my body need a lot of exercise if i can crashed like that after a night-out.He called to remind me of our earlier plan to picked me up in the evening so that i can get to know his place and he was in my place for 6.30 and for God knows what,i was nervous and behaving like a teenager going on her first date.He lives in a duplex in Lekki phase 1 and cosy place and he has nice taste and he took me round the house and no female touch and i saw a boy picture in the sitting room and in his bedroom which he said he is his son but not from his wife.I was curious to know more about him but did not want to look too inqisitive and desperate.We rounded up the inspection in his garden at the back of the house and i just kept quite and just looking which he noticed and asked me loosen up.

He told me what led to his seperation from his wife-they did not have kids after ten years in marriage and he was supportive about it all but she woke up one day and said they should try other people as it seems they are not compatible.He thought it was a joke after all the battle they had gone through but she had her plans,she just packed out one day and left a note that she has relocated to America.

I cant thank God enough for his mercies over me-things are looking up all ways for me.My friend kept in touch throughout his stay in London and iam getting to know him all over again.I had to pick him up from the airport this morning before going to office as agreed and was so excited when he saw me and i cant but kiss him.I dropped him at home on my way to office and he promise to see me later in the day.I got a surprise this afternoon when my oga called to say he saw me at the airport with the same guy he met in my house and he just decided to call me for old time sake and implore me not to just throw away what we have for unknown person and that i should be fair to him despite all our disagreement,he still love me.I was just amused that so it takes competition for this man to wake up from his slumber.This is the same man i have been begging to mellow down over his pettiness and he was behaving as if my life will stop if he leave me and now he is telling me not to throw away what we have as if he cares that much-he that for sometime now he never call nor pick my calls.I think i now understand the game-keep your man on his toes and he will be all over you.Though iam confuse about the whole issue-thanks to my mother who lectures me on how its better to stay with a divorcee than being with a married man who does not have any loyalty or commiment to me and iam just at a crossroad.

This is to appreciate everybody reading my diary,thanks for your comments-negative and positive.It gladden my heart to read different comments and also get mails from men who think they can make me happy-i love you all and keep reading my diary and i hope to be open as much as possible with happenings in my life.Thanks once again

When i got to the hotel room later,i reflected over my acceptance of his coming to meet me and i doubted if i did the right thing.Yes,we grew up together and we are more or less family friend and goes to the same family church but that doesnt mean i know him.We are now adults and have passed through different experiences and what do i know about him than my mother views which look positive but my mother is just trying to matchmake us and his folks too are encouraging it.I was at crossroad and could not call him back to stop the arrangement and i just decided to face the consequence of my action.He arrived on friday as he said and he was gentleman enough to get his room but same hotel and we had fun though there were hugs here and there but were innocent.He tookme round places as he is used to the place and i realised Dubai is a good place to visit for vacation instead of everybody jumping on plane to good old London.We parted on sunday on good note and i respect him more for the way he comported himself and was not typical Lagos guys who know nothing more than getting down to business.I think i will see him again and again but less wait and see

I was in Dubai throughout last week on an improptu official assignment,my colleague that was suppose to represent the company at the Telecomm Fair was hospitalised and management decided to send me in her place.I was not really in the mood for that after all the stress that i passed through over the weekend but who am i to say NO when my employer says YES.I called my oga that monday before i left but he was just himself asking me why i bothered to tell him and since i dont need his permission to do what i like and i just dropped the call.
I had a nice time and the fair was educating,i met quite a lot of people and i use that opportunity to unwind and visit a lot of nice spot-the place is a nice tourist centre.I called my friend from there to apologise for my behaviour on that day and he took it lightly and we even joke about the whole thing and i promise to take him out for dinner when i get back on my bill.Thereafter,he calls me day and night and we had lot to gist about and i find him intelligent and he just asked me on thursday when i was leaving and i said Sunday morning and he asked jokingly whether i could obliged him my company for 2 days and i said why not without thinking and he said he has an appointment in London for Monday afternoon and he could route his ticket through Dubai and meet on friday and leave for London on sunday and i was trapped somehow but who knows

As my bell rang,i quickly compose myself and brave up to the situation as i dont want to look like a child caught with stolen meat.He walked in with smile and hugged me,i noticed he was looking everywhere to see God knows what.He brought me some goodies and was just all over me as if iam a new catch.He was just eyeing me and saying sweet things in my ear and i was skeptical somehow bcos this is a man i had tried everything to make peace with and he was just forming and now at my mercy.Well,maybe he thought over everything and see that he need to be reasonable and mature.I did not have any special food at home so we decided to have lunch out and as we got to Golden gate,my phone rang and i just summoned courage and picked it and it was Oye calling tosay hi and to know what time to picked me and started a long conversation i just laughed and said will call you later.He stylishly asked on our way back home and i just said a friend called to get somebody number and since i did have it,its better i called her later.

We were still in our cuddling mood when my friend called again and i just picked it and said hello as if i did not hear him and just switched the phone to silence but it brought a bigger problem.I guess after calling repeated without response and i did not have that chance as the man dey monitor my move as if he knew i was up to something to text or call him to cancelled the date,he just showed up at my door step.I greeted him warmly and offered him a seat but the atmosphere was tense.I asked after his folks and business-unnecessary pleasantries and just left them in the sitting room to get my bearing.I think my friend got the message and just called me that he just stopped by to say hi and will come some other time, i just rushed out and said sorry i was just putting on something decent.I saw him off and met an angry man in tthe house,asking me all sort of stupid questions but i just kept quite as i needed my peace.The day was ruined as he left too in annoyance because i refused to answer his queries and he remembered him as the guy i hugged at the airport and he felt betray.

I have never been in a situation that i experience last saturday.I was suppose to have dinner with my friend-Oye on that day as agreed but something was just not right as i just woke up feeling somehow as per the direction of my personal life.Reuby woke me up with his call very early in the morning telling me he has a function somewhere in badagry and want to know if its okay with me to go with him and i was like he should have informed me earlier so that i can organise myself,he just said that means he now need permission to be with me and dropped.Iam not ready for all that nonsense and in any case i have not asked for too much,respect beget respect and i have made up my mind that he either trust me or do whatever that suits him. I was just relaxing in the house watching niger home video since i dont have the intention of going out till later in the day and a private call came in on my cell,ordinarily i dont pick such call but i did and it turned out to be my man saying is on my street and will be with me in the next five minutes and will stay overnight and i just said iam in.I was just confused and can not see how i can get myself out of it and can not tell him not to stay like that without any reason as he is a nice person despite his attitude these days and i know he is just being a typical Africa man-too possessive.

My childhood friend have been calling me day and night since we parted at the church,telling me how he is being in love with me for long but did not have the courage to tell me as i was too formal with the guys and my parent being very strict -he never have the liver to express his feelings and after his seperation with his wife,he just decided he should go back to his root and look for somebody he knows very well and his parent have been encouraging him to come to the family church so that he can mix with the people he grew up with and his chance meeting with me at the airport change all that and he likes me and we should give it a chance and see how far we can take it.Iam always polite to him but never promise anything as i dont want to double deal though my man is not married to me but i think i owe him that because he is being good to me and didnt deserve such treatment.

Funnily,Reuby called today to say hello and asked after my well being and if i still remember him at all and i just said iam okay and been busy with work and since he abandoned me God have been faithful to me in all ways.He wanted to know if my folks have been asking of his whereabout and what i told them which i replied that they never asked and i didnt bother to tell them anything but i noticed he didnt like my reply and he said he is sure my mother will be happy to see us seperated as she never support our relationship.I just ignored his comment and asked after his family and he just said fine.We did not have much to discuss as he is still feeling uptight and i dont want to sound desperate and be apologetic for doing nothing.

My parent invited me for special evening service in their church yesterday and i had no choice than to just make that time out from my tight schedule.I left office early to have time to go home and change to something casual and suitable for the outing.I tried not to argue with my parent again when it come to religion matter and when they tried to advise me as they mean well for me.It was when i got there that i realise why my mother insisted on my coming as if their church is where God hear prayer.It was a sort of reunion service as i saw quite a lot of people that i have not seen for a long time and my friend that i saw at the airport the other day was there and he came over to meet me and told me my mother told him i will be there when he asked after me from her as i did not give him my phone numbers that day as i was in a hurry and he is been looking for way to get me as he want us to get together for a chat.

We sat together throughout the service and the pastor was more or less matchmaking the spinster as most of his preaching are based on union of like mind and how it will be good if the members can remain in the fold as we already have the christian upbringing which can be a yardstick for matrimonial harmony.We parted later with agreement that we will have dinner together on saturday and he promise to call me later which he did as soon as i got home.I later discovered through my mother that he is seperated from his wife and his parent are concerned and wish he could get a good wife from the church and i now know my mother can never change her tactics,so she is trying to matchmake us-well lets wait and see now that my big baby is misbehaving.

Updating you have become a big task for me as my schedule in the office now give me no time for other things-my personal life is really suffering.When i get home these days, i just have my bath and make few calls and off to my bed,eating so late is my not my hobby so i just slept off. When we are at the lower cadre of management,we think the people there have it all but the pressure they go through we never know and now,i know better-executive stress is a killer and i intend to slow down before i breakdown.My big boy is still doing his shakara and i intend to show him this time around that the fact that i decided to stay with him does not mean i still dont get stares.Surprisingly,my mother have been calling to know the latest but iam sure all she want to hear is i am not seeing him again but time will tell.

Wonder shall never end,he called me out of the blue yesterday morning that he will be arriving later in the day and that he will come directly to my house and has instructed the driver to use my car to pick him up from the airport.I decided to follow the driver to the airport to look like a good girl and probably make him feel special and understand that i do care about him but unfortunately that brought another problem,as he was just coming out and i was walking down to where he was -an old childhood friend just called my name and he happened to be somebody i can not just ignored and had to hug him and he was just holding me for too long and smiling. I saw him looking at us and i did not even know what to do or say.He just followed the driver out and i quickly excused myself and my friend was like why the hurry and wanted to know if my guest has arrived and i just say we will see again.

On our way home,he just asked if everything is okay and how are my parents and i said fine.He kept quiet for a while and later just said i can see you are fine and keeping yourself busy and i just pretended as if i didnt hear him.When we got home, I tried all ladies tricks to get him out of that his jealous mood and was just feeling somehow with himself and i tactically ignored him-your guess is as good as mine.The driver was in my place this morning with his car to take him home as agreed and i left for my office.He promise to call me later in the day. Me don tire for all these talk to me alone.

Diary,this my man is really forming despite my begging-he still have not shown up in my place.He never bothered to even call till yesterday when he called that he is somewhere in South Africa.I could not stomach the nonsense again and had to confide in my mummy when she came to my house onm sunday and as expected she started with her long story.She belief that the world is full of choices and I can get a better and less complicated person with prayer.She ended her sermon with how the patience dog eat the fattest bone and I responded that these days patience dog never get anything to eat as the impatience ones would have finished them but she still refused to buy my argument.After she left my place,I thought of all she said and iam like what the hell is the man getting annoyed over,he has not caught me with another man and he himself is enjoying two worlds and i give him his space and dont bother my head on what happen in his private life and he is unnecessary jealous,what else does he want,to mortgage my life to him-No way

My dear have been behaving funny since last wednesday when he left my place with a frown,he refused to pick my calls nor call me and did not bother to come to my place.I thought it was a joke initially because i cant understand why somebody of his status and maturity should be that petty.For crying out loud,this guy is married and will do anything to proctect his family even sacrifice me if there is need as there is nothing binding us together and i see no reason why he has to know every litttle thing that goes on in my life. Though i might be single and looking for where to put my head but thats not to say i can not have freedom to associate with others in as much as i know what iam doing.
I had to forget my ego and pride yesterday and go looking for him,I had earlier asked a link in their company if he is around.The secretary was kind of uptight and cant blame her as she must be used to all kind of girls distubing her boss, she just said i need to have an appointment before i can see him and i was like take my note in and if he says he cant see me-its ok then.Luckily,the driver and his P.A. walked in and they talked to her and she eventually took the note in and he asked her to allow me in. As i entered his office,he was backing my view,pretending as if he was looking at something of interest through the window.Sensing that he is still feeling somehow,i walked up to where he was and knelt down,that iam sorry and did intend to make him jealous.He just looked at me and said okay but with lots of meaning.We chatted for a while though i did more of the talking and he promise to see me later today.Its really a man 's world-head or tail they win.

Men are like babies who love to be pampered and always want to be the centre of attraction.My man was with me yesterday evening to welcome me back and after all the loving,he wanted to know everything that happened at the conference and and the people i met and hope i did not mingle much with the guys.I knew he wanted to know if someone tried to get close to me,knowing that he met me too at a conference and i just laughed.I noticed he was kind of moody after that because i refused to recast everything that happened-just imagine that nonsense,the fact that iam with him despite my parent objection should let him know i care and that does not give him the right to want to know everything that happening in my life.We parted in annoyance and belief me,i have no regret.He is eating his cake and having it at the sametime which i could tolerate and he still want to cage me and monitor my life-that i will not take,he just have to trust me.

The last one week was so hectic that i did even have time to update my diary.I went for a week program in canada,initially my M.D was like the cost was too much and he just called me upper friday that the board approved it and had to go that weekend.I had little or no time to pack and do the needful.The Conference was educating and enriching,I learnt so much about new development in telecommunication in advance countries.The participants were from various countries and we had opportunities to know about happenings in other countries telecommunication wise.I made a lot of friends,both males and females and at the end of the conference,we were all like one big family.The conference wasnt just about learning,we had fun too and you can imagine me getting the attention of the men.My dear did not give me space to think of getting close to any of the guy as he kept me busy with phone calls. The guy that was pestering my life for a relationship had to ask me if iam married and just pretending that iam still single because he calls at every opportunity to assure himself that i have not taking my mother advice to look elsewhere-Men so jealous and possessive.

Thank God is friday.The week have been so hectic that i just get home,bath and eat.The higher you move on in your career,the more responsibilities and stress you have.I have been moving from one meeting to the other from the begining of the week though iam not complaining but thanking God for his favour.A lot of people see you occupying big position and never know the efforts and sacrifices you made to get there but only think your fine face does it or you probably sleeping with a big boss somewhere.I intend to rest throughout the weekend except my big man comes up with better idea of relaxation.

Parents are the same everywhere,they always want to be in charge of your life as if you are a kid.No matter how old you are or your level in life,they still want to have their way.My parent have been harassing me to come and do thanksgiving in their church which i told them i can do privately with my God.I know they just want to show off in their church and iam not into that kind of thing and knowing Anglican church for what they are,they will turn it into big event which i would not be able to control.
My mother called me on thursday that they will like me to come for the family harvest in their church and i could not refuse that and agreed to come but when i got to the church last sunday i met another thing.My parent invited all the family friends to the church to join them for my thankgiving and they were even wearing same headtie.I could not do anything than to be part of it and i wonder what would have happened if i did not ask my man not to come for the service but meet me in their house,he would have follow us to the altar and anybody could have regconise him and tell his wife and that might be too much for him.Mummy would have deliberately make him feel uncomfortable by introducing him to everybody so that i can wake up to reality but she knows he wouldnt like that. They even had a small do at home and I was so mad but had to pretend not to embarrassed them-I just call my man not to come but meet me later at home

I have been so busy with work since i got back that i could not update my diary.The trip was refeshen as i had time to relax for four days without the executive stress.I went site seeing to the historic places in paris and it brings back the memory of what my french teacher in secondary school always say"you see paris you die"though i did not die but i think i understood what he meant better. I had the opportunity to upgrade my wardrobe as i need to step up with my new designation and not with the generous allowance my man gave me.I met an old friend at Montparnasse tower who acted as my guide and show me other interesting places and of course where to get clothes,shoes and bags at reasonable prices.I really enjoyed my stay and had swell time with my dear as we never had the opportunity of being together for such a long time.

A little drama almost happened at the airport on friday,Reuby was in my place as earlier as possible so that his personal assistant and driver can check in our luggage before we get to the airport but unfortunately he forgot something at home and the wife had to come to airport to give him and he met them without the husband and she was suspicious and decided to wait but fortunately the driver was smart enough to alert us and we had to enter enter the airport seperately-what a narrow escape as i cant imagine the scenerio

I travel improptu last friday,my dear was with me later in the day on thursday for our private celebration of my promotion and casually asked if i could be excuse from duty for two days i.e Friday and Monday so that i can go with him to paris as he has a paper to deliver over the weekend and we will get back Monday evening.I quickly called my immediate boss that i had to attend to some issues urgently and will need to be off for two days,he finally agreed with the promise that i will be back in office on Tuesday and luckily,my shengen visa has not expired.He wanted us to go out and have quite celebration in somewhere cosy but i refused that i will do that in the privacy of my house and couple with the fact that we have not really have private moment after my sickness and truly,my reserve is down and i need that top up.We were together till 11pm when he has to go home to get himself ready for tomorrow as he already called somebody to get our tickets ready.

Iam so happy today,i just got promoted to senior manager though i will still be the company secrectary but with higher pay and responsibilities.I thank God for his mercies when i was just thinking he has forsake me in my trial moment,now he surprise me with this upliftment-i will continue to serve him.My dear was so happy when i told him,he said he is always telling me i will go places and sky is just not my limit and that i can get to my potential with hard work and perseverance-that guy is just too cool for me,he so much belief in me and encourage me all the way.I can not get more from a man than what is giving me and in any case whats the guarrantee that single guy will not feel intimidated with my success. I love that guy so much and cant trade him for any man.When i called my parent,they were happy for me but wish i could complete their happiness by getting married and be like other girls.I just ignore their comment as i do not want them to spoil my mood and just drop the call.

My friends in the office sent in cards to congratulate me and i had to buy snacks for them in the spirit of the moment.My M.D. later called me to his office to wish me well in my new position and that i shoould work hard to justify the confidence repose in me-that man is like a father to us.

Iam back to my feet with lot of energy.I thank God for seeing me through the pains-i mean you never appreciate what you have until you lose it.I have been feeling somehow over the lose of my baby though i initially dont like the idea of just getting pregnant like that but have come to term with it before the unfortunate incidence.I now understand better why women always fret over their children,there is this special bond that will be there from onset.When i get into that mood,i picture the baby i would have delivered and how it would have made my life complete and pray it wouldnt be a major calamity in my life as iam not young again and the effect of what i passed through during that period.

Dear have been supportive and gave me reassuring words and pray that in due course,we will get another one.Whatever misgiving my folks have against him,the guy is really good to me and i can not exchange him for another man-ring or no ring,iam his for life and no matter what comes out of it,iam ready to face it.Iam back to office and moving ahead with my life and pray for the best.

I got back home yesterday and met my place decorated with flowers and welcome back card in my living room and was really moved by the gesture-that man is so romantic and thoughtful.He sent his driver to picked us up as he earlier said and some goodies.My mother too was impressed but she is just a die-hard person who only see what she want to see and just smile without commenting but it shows on her face.She made me good home food and treated me like she use to do when i was young-thank God for mothers though they could be pain in the neck but i love her. I just pretended as if i needed to sleep to afford her sermon and just went to my room to have my space.I called my love to thank him for everything and promise to be there for him always.I had the time to think over everything and realised that though my relationship with Reuby has its limitations but he makes me feel good and he is more than a partner to me-he makes me feel complete,he is a mentor and will forever be dear to me.

I am due to leave the hospital later today according to the Doctor and cant wait to get back to the comfort of my home.I notice that the 5 days sickness have done something to the relationship between my mother and my man,after he left us this morning-she commended him and say that he is responsible and really care for me and just that he belong to another woman and i just pretend as if i did hear her because i dont want to start all that.Iam sure her stress with that ugly incidence added to my predicament and i think i want to just be left alone for now and clear my head.My colleagues in the office too have been wonderful and my MD too said a funny card that i better get well and leave the bed as my work is begging for attention-he is just so humourous.

I just found myself on hospital bed on monday morning and could not remember how i got there in the first place.As i just opened my eyes i saw my mother with a distress look on her face and all kind of wires taped to my body and she just jumped up as i called her and i asked her what i was doing there.She told me my friend said she got to my place on saturday morning as we agreed and even wanted to sleep over so that we can have some time together to gist but noticed that i was looking frail and asked me if there was anything wrong with me and i said no.We were just in the kitchen to make lunch for us when i just collapse and before she could get somebody to assist her to put me in the car,i was bleeding and she just called her on her way to my office hospital and since then i have been in comma off and on.

I just dozed off after and faintly heard my man voice asking my mother how iam feeling now and if i have been able to say anything since he left.I just smile within myself that somehow he cares about my well being and wish i did not have to put him through all these stress but i did not pray to fall sick.By the following morning,i have regain my strength and can talk like i use to and was somehow pained that i lost the pregnancy and had to do evacuation.I thank God that my friend was with me when it happened and could quickly take me to hospitable-things like that easily kill women if they dont get assistance on time.My man was all over me and treated like his baby.

My friend was in my place yesterday as promise and we were just about mapping out our plan on how to get to the root of the matter,my bell just rang and it was my man.We just had to suspend our discussion to weekend when we will have all the time to our selves as we dont work on weekend,after some minutes,she left.I just greeted him with my nose and pretended as if i was tired so that i would have to be at his peck and call.He noticed my mood was still not okay and brought up the topic and i quickly tell him to forget it or should find something better to say than putting me on defensive.He tried to play typical Africa man-always right and in charge,he said he is already doing his own investigation and hope its not just one of my friend or an ex-babe(whats that suppose to mean) putting me on toes.I deduce from all his analysis that he knows something already but trying to cover up,i just told him to warn his babes or woman friend to stay away from me as iam not competiting with anybody and if he still feel he want to be flying about-the choice is his.We made up after that but i made it clear that when next anybody threaten me,i will call in the police and such,publicity will not be good for him and he just laugh

I could not sleep well yesterday and was just turning on my bed and can not call my mom because she will add more to my problem and was still in shock to even call dear as i could say something nasty to him.Age and wisdom have thought me that you dont talk when you are still angry.Iam just in a fix on what to do and with the recent development,i dont want to take a drastic action i might regret,on impulse,i just felt i should just go and see my doctor and forget the whole thing but i cant afford to abort at this my age and again,i do love my guy-iam at crossroad.My friend called me this afternoon to say hello and from the way i sounded she guess something is wrong with me and had to tell her the ugly incidence.She was scared for me and asked me to call my man and tell him so that he can search himself,afterall men can read us like paper and will surely know who among his girls can act like mad dog.She promise to see me later in the day at home so that we can strategise,she told me not to do something stupid.

I called him 10 minutes ago and he was so annoyed that somebody could do that and wonder who it could be.He said his wife is out of it but cant pinpoint who the devil could be and was even putting me on the defence.He even asked if i can think of anybody who feel her boyfriend is too close to me or have i ever have any confrontation over a man with anybody-imagine.I was pissed off with those his argument-what if the peson does something damaging,is that want he will be asking me- i just polite tell him i will call him when i feel better and drop.

I am beginning to feel somehow over my relationship with Reuby.On my way going home yesterday,my driver noticed that a car had been trailing us since we left office and i was like,maybe his imagination and should branch off at Mobil station along Lekki road and the same car did the same and as we were buying fuel,i just wind down the glass to allow fresh air in and the car just moved nearer to me and a lady in the car just shouted"slut,desperado and if you think you got him,you are joking and be ready for war".I was so scared and hurt and just imagine what if the person decided to do something damaging to me-probably pour acid or something.I was so downcast yesterday and cant imagine myself going through all that nonsense.Right,i want to be with a man but not at the expense of my life.I hear all that stories about girls going after their rivals but its insane to do that at all and for a married man,what will the wife do if other women are so desperate.Reuby's wife respect herself and will not do anything that will tarnish her husband imagine and she can never descend so low as that, based on what he told me about her and from my informants.

He once told me how his wife caught him red handed with a lady sometime ago at a party and he had lied that he was going to Abuja for a conference and by chance the wife was at the same party with her sister and she just walked up to their table and greeted them and just casually said-so you are back and didnt call home and just say hello to his lady and left and she never discussed it again.She is that type of person that have confident in herself and comport herself well at any time.

Weekend was so hectic for me, had to go over to my folks place to try and explain things to them and how I need their cooperation over the development. My mom as usual was herself, telling me how I want to shortchange myself because I lost faith in the Lord and that some people are older than me and are still waiting on the lord and not getting desperate to marry a married man and was just pissed off with her though my father understand with me but he don’t seem to be able to convince mummy. I tried to correct her that my being with dear has nothing to be with desperation but mutual understanding and affection. After so much heated argument, she just said I should suit myself and since I said iam old enough to know what I want, then good luck to me but she will always be there for me and continue to pray for us. Well, I cannot refuse to grab my happiness because of my parent and really i do care for the man and he does same about me.I just dont know why good guys are already hooked up to someone.

My man later picked me up and my parent were like somehow cold to him and just answered him polite and left us in the sitting room but he said he understand their feelings and will come round when they realized he has good intention for me. On our way home, he casually said he had booked a table for us at a Lebanese restaurant in Ikeja and I just assumed he want to brighten me up after my parent stress but was surprise when we got there and met his 4 brothers and his sister, I just felt as if the ground should open up and swallow me. He introduced me to them as his special woman (I don’t know what that means) and he just want us to meet formally and since it’s going to be a lasting relationship, he thinks they must know me as his blood. I was just looking without knowing what to say. We chatted and got to know them properly and they also ask me whether I understand what their brother is offering me and ready to abide by his terms as his wife is dear to them and have no cause to do anything bad to her but must support their brother if that’s what he want and I just nodded.

I called my mother to know her view on the development and she was like well since thats what you want and you said you are old enough to know what you want,so as you lay your bed-lay on it.My mom can be impossible,when i thought we have passed that stage-she still belief there is a mr right for me despite my age and should not just make do with what is available but i think she is just not being realistic-can she allow her son who is like my age or younger to marry me and yes,i can get a single man but at my expense which i dont want to do as those guys that are my age or younger are just gigolo who want are looking for meal ticket and once they are okay,they move on to a younger lady.I will rather choose my man who belief in me,let me be myself and we are happy with each other-I guess you cant have it all.My mom will later come round to understand my point than just thinking about what will people say despite the upbringing she gave us but she must know that people will say more if i continue to stay on the shelf-laugh.

I was just feeling funny since the beginning of this week and got so bad yesterday that i could not eat anything without throwing up and had to go and see my Doctor on my way to office.I got a call some minutes ago from my doctor congratulating me and i was like for what and when he confirmed my suspicion,i just did not know what to say than thank you and will see you later.I do not know whether i should be happy with the development or not though i have always look forward to having my own kids but the news still rattle me.I dont know what happened as i always play safe and at my age,it must be at when we both agreed not just an improptu thing.

I called my dear and tried to get his opinion on the feasibility of my getting pregnant now and what happens thereafter and he likes that idea and wonder why that should bother me at this stage of our relationship.I now told him that i have just been informed am pregnant and that iam confuse and dont know whether the timing is right for him and since we never agreed on that as at the time.He just laughed and wondered why we need permision to consolidate our affair.The man is just something else and pray he continue to feel that way after everything and promise to come to pick me up later at home for us to go out and celebrate.I dont know why iam feeling this way,i just hope a change in our affair will not affect the relationship as my friends always says men change when you start having kids as they claim you now have something to occupy you and they can fly as they like-i fear o

My parent finally agreed to have lunch with Reuby after so much pleading.My man just wanted us to take them along with our arrangement and that its necessary to always have parent blessing and support.When i told them my man want to formally meet them over lunch at their convenience place,they were like for what purpose and that as far as they are concerned,he does not exist and if i feel thats what i want-goodluck to me.My mom and of course her darlin are two of a kind but daddy can see reason but he doesnt want to disagree with his wife view that its for my good and in any case,i cant be too choosy at this age and i want to start a family and have my kids and i want them from same person which fit perfectly with what my man want.

Iam still feeling somehow anytime i looked at the ring on my second finger and everybody in the office comments on it but iam sure they are wondering why iam wearing a ring on that particular finger without inviting anybody for the big do-wedding. When i told my mom about it,she was just like why is he doing that to you-If he so much love you,then he should make an honourable woman out of you instead of the hide and seek game.She can not just understand the whole set up as she is of the old school and being somebody mistress is not a kind of life she is favourable dispose to but i have told her i have the right as an adult to live as i like and ready to face the consequences of my actions.She gave me proper upbringing and good education but all that could not get me a man and girls who are wild are having a ball.Every lady want to have a man of her own but if i can not get that and the society is not making it easier and I get a chance to get happiness from somebody who happened to have a wife and mind you ,we are in Africa where polygamy is a normal way of life-what should i do?.Mummy should just pray i get just two kids from the union and give me the necessary support and life continues-i do not intend to contest anything with the wife and will forever respect her.

I got back yesterday evening from two days seminar in Abuja and my dear was at the Airport to pick me up and trying to be ever nice to me.He was all over me and behaving like a teenager falling in love for the first time and i was like maybe his madam is giving him tough time at home and just want to ease off the tension with me.He was just looking at me and smiling and i kept wondering what could be responsible.Immediate we entered the house,he just lifted me up and carried me to the room and you can imagine what happened.We later refreshen up and he decided we should go out for dinner at a newly opened Chinese cuisine in Lekki,It all look as if iam in a truance-imagine all the pampering and not conscious of time as usual.Iprayed silently for more days like this when i will be the only centre of his attraction-Amen.

He requested for exclusive table and special menu of the day and bottle of champagne to go with it and that he want it really chilled.At that point,i knew something is happening in his life and wish he was going to ask me to marry him.He is really putting me on suspense and just smiling and humming a song.We chatted generally and asked me a lot of questions on my job and what next iam planning to do after certain period of my life and talk about his plans for his business and his other course of actions.I could not just understand what all the future forecast has to do with our lives.All of a sudden,he just asked me what i feel about him and what do i want from the relationship and to what extent iam committed to him and i was just blinking and couldnt say anything.He now brought out a diamond ring and ask for my second finger and slipped it in with a kiss. I was just confused and did know what to make out of show.He said the ring is to show his commitment to me though we might not be legally married but we belong together and will do anything to proctect me and that between us and God as witness-Iam his wife.

He got to my house early and I initially do ladies shakara and later listen to his cock and bull stories.He claimed he was suppose to go Abuja but couldnt get to Airport on time and could not get a seat,so he decided to see some other people at the street where i saw his car and that he followed one of his expatriate friend to her house as they are close and since he too knows her as one of their contractor(laugh) and he just needed to while away sometime before i finish my dinner to surprise me at home-imagine that kind of lies and he could not come to my end again because his mrs called that one of his kids had an accident in school which landed him in hospital.He had to tell her that he couldnt go to Abuja again but on his way home.But he under estimated my intelligence because in the course of our discussion,i discovered he has his clothes ready for two days away and i wonder how its still in his booth if he slept at home as claimed but iam not going to have hypertension over him but take the relationship as it goes.God knows i care for him and genuinely love him despite all the constraints.I guess i have to overlook some things and just concentrate on how to make him happy when he is with me and not to bother myself over what is beyond my control-its really a man's world.

He called me five minutes ago to say he will come to my place later and probably stay with me for the night so that we can have chance to talk and for me to know that iam special to him-special indeed.Iam going to show him Mistress Revolt 2 so that he can know that he can not just toy with my heart anyhow,imagine that nerve.Men are just special breeds who like to have their cake and also eat it,this is someone that will be frowning when he sees my male friends and to even receive calls from them on my phone is a trouble.He is so posesive and jealous despite the fact that my position in his life is defined and in secrecy.I can not belief that i could be so rattle like this as i always tell my friends who fight their husband girlfriend that they behave immaturely and should be calm afterall the girls are just university girls who need money to maintain themselves but this woman own bothers me because she is matured with heavy purse and i dont want her to displace me.

Life is just an irony,I had an official dinner with some clients yesterday which made me stay late outside my home .On my way going home,I spotted my man car parked in a residential house in Victoria Island and was just wondering what his car might be doing there at that hour and he had earlier called to say he had to go to abuja to meet their foreign partners.I called him immediately to ask of his whereabout and whether the driver had drop his car at home or he will just park it at the office and was surprise to hear him say he parked it at the Airport and i just smile. I remember immediately that his woman friend live on the same street and at that number where i saw the car. Idrove home with annoyance as the man was suppose to be in my place before he called that he had to get to Abuja immediately and I couldnt stomach the nonsense and just send him a text that he should enjoy himself at the place where he parked his car and that two can play a game.I woke up to receive his text saying he will see me later today to sort things out and that he love me-imagine that

Its quite funny to me too what i could do over another woman husband as iam just a permanent tenant.I asked my friend at the network she uses to get me her details and funnily i discovered she is my man extra-men are something else.They make you feel so loved that you will be secured with the assurances but its all for the moment.I always have the mind that his wife and i are just too okay for him considering his schedules and lack of time for himself and us.Ilearnt from my source that she is one of the company suppliers and a single mother of three and have enough cash and clout so she just need him for the company he can provide and everything that goes with it but i cant imagine the right she has to call my line and leave a nasty message.

I got home yesterday to receive a nasty message on my phone"leave my man alone" and i was like who could do this to me,from the little Reuby told me about his wife-she is not that type that will do anything to embarrass her husband.I could not just think straight,had to call him to brief him and he just said i should disregard it and maybe somebody is pulling a joke on me but iam still skeptical about it.I tried calling the number and its just going into fax.I promise myself to solve the pussle and decided to call the number as early as i wake up,which i did and a lady picked it and when i told her my mission,she just hissed and say wrong number-imagine that attitude early in the morning and that trigger something in me.She has woken up the cobra and must see its fight-i must find out her identity and luckily for me,i know people at the network she is using.

My day was almost spoilt yesterday due to jealousy by my man.He called me around 6pm to informed me that he will rather picked me up from office instead of using my driver to get to sheraton as they are necessary devil who will spread all our stories round and should be ready with my things for 6.30pm. Exactly 6.30,an old flame came in to say hello and wish me happy birthday with a card and gift which could be suspicious and was just hugging him for his thoughtfulness when my secrectary escort in my man and i just fell like the ground should swallow me but quickly compose myself.I introduced them and just notice that my man was just quiet and the other man was just blabbing on old things which connect us without caring who the man is-i now know he came for a sort of reunion and i just dismiss him.I think he got the message and just left.
My dear was just moody till we got to sheraton-imagine men selfishness.We eventually made up and promise him never to let that happen agan,how i will know somebody will surface from no where to greet me i dont know.Well we had a nice time and wish i could extend the hours to 48hrs per day.Love was really in the air and i love every moment of it,he was such a fantastic---

Iam really having fun today and just showing off the goodness of God in me.Imagine all those guys and babes in my unit that were looking at me with lots of pity last year now pretending as if they are happy for me.Iam sure that will still gossip later than iam a glorify harlot but thats their business because those ladies are dreaming of being in my place and the men envy whoever is making me happy. I deliberately call my love at interval for them to know i now have somebody in my life and off course they eavedrop on my conversation,not knowing iam doing it for effect.Whether i be wife or mistress,i can not ask for more than iam getting and to top it- to somebody most girls will die for.I bought them chinese as their lunch for my bithday and they must know it cost money to feed them

Iam a year older today and i have every cause to rejoice as i could remeber last year when i was downcast and sad that i clock 40 and have nobody by my side to celebrate the day.Today my heart is full of gratitude to God for all his mercies and for making way where the enemy thinks there is no way.What else can i say than thank you jesus,iam alive with good health and have a loving family behind me and my one and only right by my side.It does not matter that paper did not bind us together but what we share is priceless.Reuby called as early as 2am to wish me happy birthday and apologise for his unavoidable absence as promise on saturday and as i predicted the wifey imprison him by her side.He promise to be by my door as soon as he can leave home and i felt better with his soothing words.

As i was just stepping out from bathroom,my lord just knocked and you can imagine the scenerio.I quickly rush into his waiting hands and belif me, it was heavenly and i love every bit of it.I just wish today is saturday and we can do a lot of tricks together. I had to quickly refreshen up to get set for office and he called his driver to bring in my cake and flower-the guy is damn so romantic and handed me an envelop as gift and also ask me to prepared for a celebration at sheraton hotel later for two of us and that means we are sleeping there,i quickly pack my office cloth for next day.Behold as i open the envelop-i got a handsome cheque that guarrantee my holiday this summer.

Iam a year older today and iam going to count my blessings and thank God for perfecting his work in my life.My love eventually called me midnight today to wish me happy birthday and also to make arrangement for the day.What else can i ask for-i have a family who cares about me and my love who is there for me despite the limit and iam enjoying good health and very stable career.

Before i left home for work,Reuby was with me to give me birthday kiss and cake with a flower-the guy knows how to trip a babe and who am i to refuse such a loving gesture.We quicky had morning one and you trust how it could be in the raining season as it rained overnight.He gave me a big cheque to buy something for myself and have a little do for my colleagues and also,for me to make arrangemet for sleeping over at sheraton and get my clothes with me for office tomorrow.This guy is making me feel like a teenager falling in love for the first time.

I was just in door throughout yesterday expecting the love of my life,he called me very late on friday to tell me he will come and spend the day with me.I woke up with my heart full of love and in expectation of the nice time he will give me and trust me to reciprocate.I make sure the whole house is throughly clean and nice perfume smelling all over and with his best food prepared.I wore the naughty knicker i brought from my trip abroad and was really looking good to eat with the food.You can imagine my dissappointment when he did not show up at all and could not even call to say something.Iam sure his wife must have blocked all his tactics and came up with her game plan,thats one of the problem in dating other woman husband-you cant see him at your own time and plan anything around him.I was just upset throughout yesterday and slept off watching movies.

Life of a mistress is not so exciting as the wives thinks though you get more goodies and probably extra comfort.Iam beginning to see why a woman need a permanent companion,somebody to talk to and share your dreams and aspirations and of course warm you up during those cold days.Though Reuby come for an hour ot two twice during the week and as time permit during weekend as he is a busy person but he calls regular and ensure that am well proctected from who knows- the gigolos who might want to take advantage of me(funny?).He is just a smooth operator and i wonder how he does it, with his tight schedules and running two homes.Despite my position with him,i wouldnt trade him for any other man-he allow me to be myself and encourage me to go beyond the sky whereas a younger man might feel threaten and have complex like some of my friends complained about their hussy.

I remember my chance meeting with Reuby in one of this seminar my company sent me in South Africa and he was also there as a key speaker and just came to my table during coffee break to say hi and know whether iam a Nigeria judging from my name which i politely answered.We later met again at the hotel lobby and he requsted for a date which i politely declined.We met again in the plane on our way back and it was as we are just destined to meet and i just loosen up and enjoy his company and he was such a humourous person and highly intelligent and that really tripped me in a man.Before we parted at the airport,he gave me his card and asked me to feel free to call me and hope i will be free to answer his call and be friend with him as he noticed that i was kind of uptight with him.

Since then we have been good friends and he calls me regularly which i do as well as i love his spirit and we operate on the same intellectual level. He finally lay his card on the table on my 40th birthday to be his woman but with strings attached.He will take care of me-financial and physically but no marriage and be mother of his kids and that proper arrangement for my upkeep and general well being will be provided.To summarise it-he want to eat his cake and have it,no contact with his legal wife and our affair must never be publicise and i just told him to give me a week to think about it.Of course,I added one to one and arrive at two i.e better to be with somebody who cares for me and take care of me than to be label an old maid and in any case,he is being a mentor to me careerwise since i know him-by the way,he is the owner of one of this newly licence Telecom

Most people refer to me as a kept woman but who cares what you call me,he who wear the shoes knows where it pitches.Iam over 40 with a good job,sound education and good pedigree but could not get a man to call my own and my society see me as irresponsible because am not married or attached to a man.It does not matter that i have MBA from one of the best school in Africa and have a good career as the Company Secretary of a multi-national company-nobody give me credit but makes me feel worthless without the prefix"mrs" somebody. My society(Africa) do not forgive a woman who have everything going in her life without a man no matter her achievement or recognition.

When i clocked 40 years,I just decided to take the bull by the horn by getting myself involved with an old admirer who really have been pestering my life for a long while.He is really someone i could have considered ordinarily but he belong to another woman which my upbringing could not permit me to do but now that my tickling clock is running out,i needed to review my life and make adjustment and make do with what i can get from life.You need not preach to me or crucify me since i have a life to live